F! Fun Junk & Humor Stuff Blog

As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions. – Woody Allen

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn’t get bigger or heavier. – Bill Gates

They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them! – George Carlin

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting. – Ronald Reagan

If you ask me, I’d like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House, it doesn’t look very cozy. – Jennifer Lopez

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better. – George W. Bush

I’ll watch a Keanu Reeves movie and I’ll go, ‘Wow, he’s really not a very good actor!’ – Ashton Kutcher

Profanity is the adjective of the feeble minded. – Gordon Lane

When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit. – George Carlin

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

He who stops being better stops being good. – Oliver Cromwell

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy – Erica Jong

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. – Albert Einstein

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it! – Franklin Jones

Outside of the killings, Washington DC has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. – Marion Barry

A hospital bed is a parked taxi, with the meter running. – Groucho Marx

I would never die for my beliefs, because I might be wrong. – Bertrand Russell

A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits. – Richard Nixon

I’m paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror. – Richard Lewis

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. – Dolly Parton

Dog is God spelled backwards. That means something, I’m just not sure what exactly, but human is numah spelled backwards. – Marc-Christophe