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Computer Novices!
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"
Why do you want me to pee on my keyboard?
Submitted by Sud Chat (38), Dubai
Canon Help Desk
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows."
The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."
Submitted by Sud Chat (38), Dubai
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER TOO LONG WHEN ...
...You're writing a homework assignment, and get the end of the line in the middle of a sentence, tack on a '\', and continue writing on the next line.
You try to sleep, and think ... "telnet xxx.dreams.heaven"
When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When you look for your homework using: "grep homework /dev/backpack"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
Submitted by Anita Bonnevie (), Nepal
Female Software Engineers (FSE)
Facts that all budding Male Software Engineers (MSE) must know regarding Female Software Engineers (FSE) (Applicable to all SEs who have 0-3 years of experience in S/W industry.)
The probability that a FSE is beautiful is 0.004562314 and viceversa.
The miniscule proportion of the beautiful FSEs are either engaged or married.
An FSE will always ask a doubt to which you know the answer; to the MSE sitting next to you.
You will not know the answer to the doubt an FSE asks you.
An FSE will always phone you when you are not in your seat.
The probability that an FSE will send you an e-mail regarding something other than work is 0.0321459.
An MSE will always select an FSE in an interview if he feels she is more beautiful than his colleague FSEs. The probability that the FSE will get thru in the second round is 0.
An MSE will always brag about a beautiful FSE he selected in an interview. The probability that he will receive swear words after the FSE failed in the second round is close to 99%.
An FSE will never select another FSE in an interview if she feels the candidate is more beautiful than her.
The number of MSE's behind a (Miss _your company_) FSE is exactly equal to the number of MSEs in your company. The question of her marriage/engagement doesn't arise here.
Submitted by Chalapathi Rao Poduri (),
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