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Materialism
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief...
"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"
Crude Lawyer Joke Submitted by Danny (), Jokes that are funny
Signs That You Need A New Lawyer
During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
Every couple of minutes he yells, %u201CI call Jack Daniel%u2019s to the stand!%u201D and then drinks a shot.
He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
He places a large %u201CNo Refunds%u201D sign on the defense table.
He begins his closing argument, %u201CAs Ally McBeal once said...%u201D
He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
Just before trial starts, he whispers, %u201CThe judge is the one with the little hammer, right?%u201D
Every time he says, %u201CYour Honor,%u201D his fingers make those little quotation marks in the air.
The sign in front of his law office reads %u201CPracticing Law since 2:25 PM.%u201D
He giggles whenever he hears the word %u201Cbriefs.%u201D
In his opening argument, he called the prosecutor a %u201CDoo-Doo Head.%u201D
He tries to cheer you by telling you you'd look great in orange.
He giggles hysterically at every mention of "Penal Code."
Keeps trying to call a witness named %u201CJohnny, the Trouser Troll.%u201D
The only question he came up with during cross-examination was, %u201CIsn%u2019t it true you%u2019re a lying bastard?%u201D
He constantly objects to the %u201Cvibes%u201D he gets from the jury.
Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, %u201CYahtzee!%u201D
Instead of saying, %u201CYour honor, I object!%u201D, he now just rolls his eyes and says, %u201CWhatever.%u201D
He claims that staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the %u201Cdiscovery%u201D processes.
He offers to waive his usual fee in exchange for your panties.
You met him in prison.
During your initial consultation he tried to sell you Amway.
He tells you that his last good case was Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-fived each other.
He picked the jury by playing %u201Cduck-duck-goose.%u201D
He tells you that he%u2019s never told a lie.
He asks a hostile witness to %u201Cpull my finger.%u201D
A prison guard is shaving your head.
From the page: "You May Need A New Lawyer if...
From: You've Got Laughs! The Big Book of Internet Humor by Al Lowe
Lawyer Joke Submitted by Jay Alexander (), Las Vegas, USA
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