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Weighty Fortune
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great lover in bed!"
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
Men Women Jokes Submitted by 'Mavs' Maverick (28), California
What is Love?!
A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood.
He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries.
She says, 'Well, what did you do for love?'
He says, 'Love? What's that?'
She says, 'I'll show you.'
She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time. When they're finally done, she says, 'Well, how do you like love?'
He says, 'It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger.'
Men Women Jokes Submitted by Digen Verma (),
Secrets for a Happy Life in Men!
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
Men Women Jokes Submitted by Erick Davidson (),
Alcohol Test
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by a policeman.
"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the officer.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it."
The juggler gets out of the car and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"
Men Women Jokes Submitted by Aliyah (23),
Invite Me In?
On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks: "Can I come up for a cup of coffee?"
Girl: "Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date."
The guy thinks for a minute and says: "Well, what about the last date?"
Men Women Jokes Submitted by Tommy Jones (18), Warwickshire
A Walk In The Garden Of Eden
Adam was walking in the Garden with God one day, and God asked him what he thought of Eve.
"She is truly a wonderful creation," Adam answered. "And I am very blessed to have her."
He asked God if he could ask a few questions. "Of course," said God.
"Eve is so beautiful, God," said Adam. "Why did you make her so beautiful?"
God said, "So you will always find pleasure in looking at her."
Adam said, "Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?"
God replied, "So you will always want to touch her, of course."
"She always smells so good. Why does she smell so good?" asked Adam.
God said, "So you will always find it pleasing to be near her." Adam nodded.
"She truly is wonderful, Lord," said Adam. "I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?"
God replied, "So she would love you!"
Men Women Jokes Submitted by Emmy Hilton (18), Caracus
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