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Milking a Cow!
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer. " Hey, why are you sitting here now?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain to a wife.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain to a wife.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmmmm..
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain to a wife.
Man: So what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off mty belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
Men Women Jokes Submitted by Maverick Mavs
Weighty Fortune
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great lover in bed!"
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
Men Women Jokes Submitted by 'Mavs' Maverick (28), California
Nursing Home
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her there, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and seat her by a window overlooking a flower garden. She seems okay, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems okay, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once again bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
They ask, "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
Men Women Jokes Submitted by Jennifer Heigl (23),
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