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50 funniest Homer Simpson Quotes
50 of Homer Simpson's funniest lines and moments for you to laugh at.
- It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
- Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
- I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
- Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
- Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
- Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
- How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
- Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
- Homer no function beer well without.
- I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
- Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
- If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
- I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
- I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
- [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'
- All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
- Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
- But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
- I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
- Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.
- That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
- Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
- If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing
- I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
- 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?
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Contributed by Lazy Girl Guide (), USA
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