 |
How To Order A Pizza By Phone
- If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering.
Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
- Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
- Use CB lingo where applicable.
- Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
- Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this
conversation."
- Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line
and you're going with the lowest bidder.
- Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and
hang up.
- Answer their questions with questions.
- In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about
nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly
sinful.
- Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST;
FREE-SPIRITED; COST-EFFICIENT.
- Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
- Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from
Metallica's Master of Puppets" CD.
- Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them
out.
- Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy
bread."
- Stutter on the letter "p".
- Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning
Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
- Ask what the order taker is wearing.
- Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
- Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if
they called you.
- Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if
you would like drinks with that, panic and become
disoriented.
- Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer
you up.
- Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as
toppings.
- Change your accent every three seconds.
- Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as
follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they
need paper.
- Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say
"Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
- Start your order with "I'd like..." A little later, slap
yourself and say "No, I don't."
- If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say
"OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first
window."
- Ask if you can rent a pizza.
- Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
- Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave
a sigh of relief.
- Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the
long "i" sound.
- Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
- Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes,
say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When
they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start
to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied
to?"
- Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you
speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and
scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
- Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact,
dead.
- Imitate the order taker's voice.
- Eliminate verbs from your speech.
- When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean
now."
- Play a sitar in the background.
- Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the
deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to
arrive so you can surprise him/her.
- Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country
music.
- Ask to see a menu.
- Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call
back.
- Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this
pizza.
- Ask what topping goes best with well-aged
Chardonnay.
- Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it
should be ashamed.
- Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
- Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your
best, Gaston!"
- Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say,
"Where was I? Who are you?"
Submitted by Kerissa (19), US
Got a good Trivia / Fun Fact yourself? Submit your best amazing Animal / People / Health / Sports / Arts / Fashion / World facts to FUKKAD, and if we enjoy, we might make you famous - or at least put your name, email, address & country on the site.
Email it to us
|
