Doormat

Your doormat says it all.

' Home is where The Pants Aren't '

Attractive Tribe - Belly Beautiful

In the Odi tribe, Ethipoia, the most Desirable men are those with the largest Bellies.

(Think you were born in the tribe?)

Browsing Christmas Gifts

Daddy's computer browsing history can get you any Gifts you want!!

At Heaven's Door

God's messenger showing your social media posts, when you want to go to heaven!! 

:+)

Online Grocery Shopping

Wife to neighbour, "I let George order our shopping over the internet today"

While husband heartily takes delivery of his drinks supply.

Take care while asking your husband to fetch the grocery.

Pfine Vaccine

My friends appreciative words for the pfizer vaccine :-)

Medical Handwriting

Eye Contact

No man has ever won at this game!

Understanding Product Usage Instruction

Nurse: "That's correct, Doctor. He claims that the instructions said to squeeze toothpaste from bottom."

 

 

 

Enough IS Enough

For her its Enough IS Enough!

Christmas Decorations Horrible Fails

Christmas Decorations that failed miserably!

Vaccine After-effect on Me

Me coming back after getting the vaccine shot!

Welcome 2021

All ready and in position to welcome 2021

Reporting to Booty!

Message Placard at Airport with welcome kiss to her man

Err, don't you mean DUTY

 

the Fourth Monkey

FInally the fourth monkey. He is the sum of all three monkeys, he hears nobody, says nothing and see nothing.

True or False for nowadays people acting like him?

The New Normal

New Normal protocol 

MEN

WOMEN

Can't Trust you Friend!?

How to check the video when your friend sends it.

 

 

End of Plague Celebrations

During the Middle Ages they celebrated the End of the Plague with Wine and Orgies.

Maradona

The Hand of God 

CAUGHT red handed!

Who is she?

She is my....

Driving to KFC

Seems they telling about their plans at the Joint!!

Correct Way to Lift Heavy Things!

Heavy! Lift carefully!

Use the right thing.

Use your hands.

Beer Can Design

Russian Product Design Inspiration 

Love Bottled Up

It is not good to keep your goodies bottled up!

Mt. Boner

Amazing Facts

Average person experiences 2 hours of boner everyday while climbing mountain due to slower blood flow and faster heart beat.

GLOBAL OPINIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE

Today is World Marriage Day. Let us keep 2 minutes silence and read some quotes of great personalities.

A few interesting

*GLOBAL OPINIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE* :

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin, they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

– Al Gore 😛😛

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

– Socrates 😝😝

Wife inspires us to great things, and prevent us from achieving them.

– Mike Tyson 😝😝

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs 📄with me.

– Bill Clinton 😉😉

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

– Michael Jordan 😜

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

– Barack Obama😳😳

When you are in love,

wonders happen.

But once you get married, you wonder, what happened!

👌😃

🍁And the best one …

"Marriage is a beautiful forest where Brave Lions are killed by Beautiful Deers".😜😂🍁

Happy World Marriage Day !!😅

Seriously Why World!?

Just for laughs! 😀😀😀

Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT, called a STAND ?

 

Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN, but nobody wants to DIE..

 

Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess...

As the WHITE piece is moved FIRST...

 

In our country,

We have FREEDOM of SPEECH,

Then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS ?

 

If money doesn't grow on TREES,

then why do banks have BRANCHES ?

 

Why doesn't GLUE stick to its BOTTLE ?

 

Why do you still call it a BUILDING,

when its already BUILT ?

 

If its true that we are here to HELP others,

What are others HERE for ?

 

If you arent supposed to DRINK and DRIVE...

Why do bars have PARKING lots ?

 

If All The Nations In The World Are In Debt,

Where Did All The Money Go..?

 

When Dog Food Is New With Improved Taste,

Who Tests It..?

 

If The "Black Box" Flight Recorder Is Never Damaged During A Plane Crash,

Why Isn't The Whole Airplane Made Out Of That Stuff..?

 

Who Copyrighted

The Copyright Symbol..?

 

Can You Cry Under Water.?

 

Why Do People Say "You've Been Working Like A Dog",

When Dogs Just Sit Around All Day..??

 

We all are Living in a seriously funny world.... 🤣🤣

Opening to Fill

At Bar, 

"You look like a hard worker. I have an opening you can fill."

Social Oxymorons

*English is full of contradictions....*

Here are some funny oxymorons ! 😆😆

 1) Found Missing

 2) Open Secret

 3) Small Crowd

 4) Act Naturally

 5) Clearly Misunderstood

 6) Fully Empty

 7) Pretty Ugly

 8) Seriously Funny

 9) Only Choice

10) Original Copies

11) Exact Estimate

12) Tragic Comedy

13) Foolish Wisdom

14) Liquid Gas

15) happily married

*And The newest Mother of all Oxymorons is -

16) "Social Distancing"

Happy Birthday Balloons of Breath

Balloons are so weird...

"Happy Birthday ... here's a plastic sack full of my breath"

What's in a name Dud!

Why to change name to meet the desi parents !!?

Speechless Stupidity

My silence dosen't mean I agree with you. 

..

Your level of stupidity rendered me Speechless! 

Global Opinions n Quotes on Marriage

A few interesting

GLOBAL OPINIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE :

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin, they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

– Al Gore 😛😛

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

– Socrates 😝😝

Women inspire us to great things, and prevent us from achieving them.

– Mike Tyson 😝😝

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs 📄with me.

– Bill Clinton 😉😉

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

– Michael Jordan 😜

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

– Barack Obama😳😳

When you are in love,

Wonders happen.

But once you get married,

You wonder, what happened.

😜

🍁And the best one …

"Marriage is a beautiful forest where Brave Lions are killed by beautiful Deer".

😜😂🍁

Have a wonderful day !!

Parking

How to park your car in 2-wheeler parking !

Eventful Dinner International

At a Diplomats' dinner, a  waiter  tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.

 Hushed silence turned into a roar of  laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat  announced:

"Gentlemen ! 

You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-

Fall of Turkey

Breakup of China

Spillage of Greece 

 and

Frustration of Hungary !

😀

Creative In-store Product Placements

For Extra Safety, Baby Products i got from store today for Moods 

Victoria's Secret Masks

Face Mask by Victoria's Secret 😜

Nuts in Crazy World

Aa the world gets crazier,

NUTS are easier to find!

Homemade Mask - N95 or 34B

Couldnt find N95 mask 

So got a 34B size

Topless Model

Admit it.

You've always been Crazy about topless models.

Corona causes Impotency

Roxanne Davur qoutes on corona pandemic and lockdown.

Senior Citizens Facts

*How God keeps senior citizens going*

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom, He made seniors lose co-ordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

 Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.  God looked down and saw that it was good.

 So, if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older

 #9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

 #8 - Life is sexually transmitted.

 #7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 #6 - Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

 #5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

 #4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

 #3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 #2 - In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 #1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow. 

 Please share this wisdom with others, while I go to the bathroom

-Fukkad

Curiosity Bug

Just for the sake of curiosity...

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dog trainers debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

3 Puns of 2020

*Puns of 2020* 

•If you see me leaving this group, please add me again. It's just that I'm so desperate to go out!

•Quarantine seems like a Netflix series: just when you think it's over, they release the next season.

•I need to social distance myself from my fridge; I tested positive for excess weight!

Tourists

Women tourists 

vs.

Men tourists

Captain's Apartment

Confession

Lawyer: To prove my client was at home, I would like present his internet search history from that evening.

Nerd Client: 

Alive Certificate

A pensioner received a letter from Branch Manager stating 

" Thanks for promptly submitting this year's life certificate."

"But, Sorry to inform you that we have lost your last year's life certificate in our record and  the Bank's Inspector has pointed it out in his report." 

"Please submit a certified copy of the same if available with you. Alternatively submit a declaration that *you were alive last year also*"

*Pensioners reply*

"Dear Sir, 

Thank you very much for acknowledgement of my this year's Life Certificate."

"I'm equally sorry to inform you that I do not have any copy of last year's Life Certificate."

"I'm also not in a position to furnish any declaration regarding last year because due to my bad memory, despite trying hard, I'm not able to recollect as to whether I was alive last year or not. The inconvenience caused is deeply regretted.

 Regards."

Guernica - Who did it?

*GUERNICA*

During the Nazi occupation of Paris, Pablo Picasso was taken to be "interrogated" by a special branch of Gestapo that had been set up to handle intellectuals and artists.

The officer who confronted Picasso, in spite of being a Gestapo thug, was almost polite, spoke good French and seemed even educated. A rarity.

The Nazi policeman gestured Picasso to sit in front of his desk, then he produced a photo of the now world famous "Guernica", the large painting that depicts Picasso's take on the Nazi bombing of the Spanish town of the same name during the Spanish Civil War.

With that facial expression that at the same time betrays tolerance toward a recognized genius and anger for his misdeed, the Nazi pointed at the photo and said with a harsh voice:

"Picasso! Have you done this?"

The reply of Picasso was worthy of a genius.

Said he:

*"No, you did it!*

*I only painted it".*

Girls Bike Number Plate

Girls Bike Number Plate

Thats for sure for boys trailing these hotties!!

Social Distancing SOP

McDonalds ain't messing around with covid pandemic and Social Distancing

 

Keeping up with Current News

Me trying to keep up with Current News about world disasters, civil unrests and potential life-ending viruses

Ultracrepidaria - English to Hindi

British make things needlessly complicated.

A person who gives his opinion and advice on matters outside of one's knowledge or competence is calles Ultracrepidaria. 

But in India they simply call him ch***ya!

How to Check Friends' Video Messages

When your friend sends you a video and you don't trust them...

DIFFERENT HEIGHTS OF...

*Height of Fashion*

```Lungi with a zip.```

*Height of Laziness*

```Asking lift for morning walk.```

*Height of Craziness*

```Get blank paper xeroxed.```

*Height of Honesty*

```Pregnant woman taking 2 tickets.```

 

*Height of De-Hydration*

```Cow giving milk powder.```

*Height of Hope*

```A 99 year old woman going for Rs 295/- recharge to get lifetime incoming.```

*Height of Stupidity*

```Looking through key hole of a glass door.```

*Height of Suicide Attempt*

```A dwarf jumps from the footpath on the road.```

*Height of Friendship*

```It's when your friend runs away with your wife; and you are really worried for your friend!```

*Height of Attitude*

```A Sleeping Beggar puts a Notice Board in front of Him.```

_*Please do not make noise by dropping coins! Use Currency Notes.*_

*AND*

*THE ULTIMATE ONE*

*Height Of Work Pressure*

```An employee opens his Tiffin Box on the road side to see, whether he is going to office or coming back from office.```

No Parking

Boy parks his bicycle near the Legislature building.

Police Constable stops him.

Guyanese Reasoning

Guyanese humor Made in China 

Twitter Security Hack

@jack tweeted

"Tough day for us at Twitter. We all feel terrible this happened. We're diagnosing and will share everything we can when we have a more complete understanding of exactly what happened. "

"to our teammates working hard to make this right."