Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme
(Special Help After Forced Termination). 




Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). 

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). 

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.😳