Captain's Apartment

Confession

Lawyer: To prove my client was at home, I would like present his internet search history from that evening.

Nerd Client: 

Alive Certificate

A pensioner received a letter from Branch Manager stating 

" Thanks for promptly submitting this year's life certificate."

"But, Sorry to inform you that we have lost your last year's life certificate in our record and  the Bank's Inspector has pointed it out in his report." 

"Please submit a certified copy of the same if available with you. Alternatively submit a declaration that *you were alive last year also*"

*Pensioners reply*

"Dear Sir, 

Thank you very much for acknowledgement of my this year's Life Certificate."

"I'm equally sorry to inform you that I do not have any copy of last year's Life Certificate."

"I'm also not in a position to furnish any declaration regarding last year because due to my bad memory, despite trying hard, I'm not able to recollect as to whether I was alive last year or not. The inconvenience caused is deeply regretted.

 Regards."

Guernica - Who did it?

*GUERNICA*

During the Nazi occupation of Paris, Pablo Picasso was taken to be "interrogated" by a special branch of Gestapo that had been set up to handle intellectuals and artists.

The officer who confronted Picasso, in spite of being a Gestapo thug, was almost polite, spoke good French and seemed even educated. A rarity.

The Nazi policeman gestured Picasso to sit in front of his desk, then he produced a photo of the now world famous "Guernica", the large painting that depicts Picasso's take on the Nazi bombing of the Spanish town of the same name during the Spanish Civil War.

With that facial expression that at the same time betrays tolerance toward a recognized genius and anger for his misdeed, the Nazi pointed at the photo and said with a harsh voice:

"Picasso! Have you done this?"

The reply of Picasso was worthy of a genius.

Said he:

*"No, you did it!*

*I only painted it".*

Girls Bike Number Plate

Girls Bike Number Plate

Thats for sure for boys trailing these hotties!!

Social Distancing SOP

McDonalds ain't messing around with covid pandemic and Social Distancing

 

Keeping up with Current News

Me trying to keep up with Current News about world disasters, civil unrests and potential life-ending viruses

Ultracrepidaria - English to Hindi

British make things needlessly complicated.

A person who gives his opinion and advice on matters outside of one's knowledge or competence is calles Ultracrepidaria. 

But in India they simply call him ch***ya!

How to Check Friends' Video Messages

When your friend sends you a video and you don't trust them...

DIFFERENT HEIGHTS OF...

*Height of Fashion*

```Lungi with a zip.```

*Height of Laziness*

```Asking lift for morning walk.```

*Height of Craziness*

```Get blank paper xeroxed.```

*Height of Honesty*

```Pregnant woman taking 2 tickets.```

 

*Height of De-Hydration*

```Cow giving milk powder.```

*Height of Hope*

```A 99 year old woman going for Rs 295/- recharge to get lifetime incoming.```

*Height of Stupidity*

```Looking through key hole of a glass door.```

*Height of Suicide Attempt*

```A dwarf jumps from the footpath on the road.```

*Height of Friendship*

```It's when your friend runs away with your wife; and you are really worried for your friend!```

*Height of Attitude*

```A Sleeping Beggar puts a Notice Board in front of Him.```

_*Please do not make noise by dropping coins! Use Currency Notes.*_

*AND*

*THE ULTIMATE ONE*

*Height Of Work Pressure*

```An employee opens his Tiffin Box on the road side to see, whether he is going to office or coming back from office.```

No Parking

Boy parks his bicycle near the Legislature building.

Police Constable stops him.