My Husband Not At Home

Some days ago, I came to know a  girl on the Internet. Beautiful...

After some chat, I felt that we had connected at a deeper level.

Yesterday, she asked me to visit her house and said, "My husband is on a business trip, and I'm alone at home."

I was very cautious and asked, "Will your husband suddenly come back?

She said, "No, but just in case he does, you just say that you are from Cleaning Co. and that your company sent you to clean the house. And then, clean the glass or something." "Anyway, the Pongal festival is coming. My husband won't suspect a thing."

Fast forward, I was at her house. And what a big coincidence - Not even minutes in the house, her husband came back! 

I had to be quiet and pretend to do the cleaning, wiping windows, cleaning the kitchen and the floor. And also tidy the bedrooms and wash the bathrooms. All the while, her husband and her was next to me giving all kinds of ridiculous instructions.

When I had finished and was about to leave, her husband asked, "How much?"

Even before I could utter a word, she said, "I have already paid the company." 

On the way home, I kept thinking about the whole saga. The more I thought about it, the more I felt DAMN cheated 😰...

Cleaners are hard to find, beware of the new scam! 

🙈🙈😂😂

Ingredients of Beer

Cyclists

Hilarious but true too 😄

CEO of a Bank got economists thinking when he said :

A cyclist🚴🏼 is a disaster for the country's economy

- He does not buy the car & does not take car loan

- Does not buy car insurance

- Does not buy Fuel

- Does not send his car for servicing & repairs

- Does not use paid Parking

- Does not become Obese

- Yes,.....and well, damn it !!  Healthy people are not needed for economy. They do not buy drugs. They do not go to Hospitals & Doctors.

They add nothing to country's GDP.

On the contrary, every new McDonald outlet creates at least 30 jobs - 10 Cardiologists, 10 Dentists, 10 weight loss experts apart from people working in McDonald outlet.

Choose wisely:

A Cyclist or a McDonald ?

 

Worth thinking. 🤔🤔😀😀

Original Americans!

All about ethnicity and racial finger!

Friends' Advise for Married Happiness!

After the death of his wife an elderly man married a young woman .. 

Now he was spending less time with his friends. His concerned friends enquired if there was a problem.

"I'm to pass time with you but my poor wife gets lonely when I'm away." 

Friends advised him to keep a young tenant at home, your wife will be happy in the company of a younger person.

The elderly man promptly acted on their advise and leased a room in house to a young tenant.

The friends were meeting more often. One day the friends jokingly asked, "How is your wife now?" 

She is not lonely at all, in fact she is happy and *"She is pregnant"*

The friends laughed, as they expected this. "How is the tenant?" they asked.

The man replied very soberly 

*"She is also pregnant* .." 

Never underestimate the *Power of - Senior Citizen* 

🕺🕺🥃🥃💃💃

Cricket World Cup 2019

In this Cricket World Cup we have witnessed:

1. Two Days of a "One Day" match between India and NZ

2. A Six in the final that went rolling on the ground

3. NZ losing the final by "ZERO RUNS" and "ZERO WICKETS"

4. An Irishman lifting the World Cup for England

5. A final decided by a weird rule and bad umpiring

6. First time ever in cricket a team never won a match by runs or wickets but by a rule

Congrats ICC for a great comedy show in the guise of an international cricket competition!

Largest Market for Tennis Balls and Rackets!

With due respect and fan following of The two Great Players depicted. :-)

Best Place or Country for Foodies!

Britain is the best place for foodies!

Go and Went

Mr. Go and Mr. Went had a date to see a ball game, so, Go knew Went wanted to go, but it depended upon when Went went so Go went to Went to get Went to go but Went told Go to go so Go went. 

After Go went, Went went after Go to tell Go to go not knowing Go went to phone Went not to go when Went went to tell Go to go, and when Go went to let Went know Go wanted Went not to go is not known and that's why Go went without Went and Went went without Go.

Cardio Exercise or Vegan

Dr. Patxi Ulibarri is the Medical Director of a Bilbao Hospital in Bizkaia Spain.

This is the extract of an interview on local TV, where he was asked about food and sports issues ...

*Here it goes...*

 

Question: Cardiovascular exercises prolong life ... Is it true?

*Answer: Your heart was made to beat a certain number of times and go ... Do not waste those beats in exercises ... Eventually, everything is spent. Accelerating your heart will not make you live longer: That's like saying that you can prolong the life of your car by driving faster. Do you want to live longer? Take a nap.*

  

Q: Should I stop eating red meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

*A: You need to understand the logistics of efficiency. What does the Lamb eat? Grass, fodder and legumes. What are those things? Vegetables! Then a barbecue or a barbecue is nothing more than an effective mechanism to place vegetables in your system. Do you need grains? Eat chicken!*

  

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol consumption?

*A: No way. Wine is made of fruit. Brandy is a distilled wine, which means that they take the water out of the fruit and thus one takes advantage of it better. Beer is also made from grains ... Get drunk*

Q: What are the advantages of a regular exercise program?

*A: My philosophy is: If nothing hurts you, you're fine and you do not have to do anything.*

 

Q: Are fried foods harmful?

*A: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME !! Today the food is fried in vegetable oil. These foods are literally impregnated with "vegetable" oil ... How can something vegetable be harmful to your health?*

Q: Do push-ups help reduce fat?

*A: Absolutely NO! Exercising a muscle only causes it to increase in size.*

 Q: Does chocolate do badly?

*A: Are you crazy? Cocoa, another vegetable! It is a very good meal to be happy.*

AND REMEMBER:

*Life should not be a trip to the grave, with the intention of getting there safe and sound with an attractive body and well preserved ... Better to exceed: Beer in one hand, appetizer in the other, much sex and a body totally spent, completely used and screaming: It was worth it !! WHAT TRIP!!!*

- If walking was healthy, the postman would be immortal.

- The whale swims all day, only eats fish, only takes water ... and is fat !!

- The rabbit eats well, runs, jumps and lives only 15 years.

- The turtle does not run or do anything ... *And lives 450 years!*

 If you can not find half of your orange, do not be discouraged ... Look for half a lemon, add rum, ice, coke, and ...

*Be Happy*

*Enjoy your Life !!!*

👏👏👏👏👏👏

The Best 'Player' on Grass?

Roger Federer is Best on Grass 

but next to Bob Marley! :-)